Kenyan tradition, culture and custom value the institute of marriage. Many early marriages were arranged. In arranged marriages, the parents and families play a leading role in arranging the marriage, but the individuals getting married can nonetheless chose whether to marry or not. Many regard arranged marriage as a well-established cultural tradition that flourishes in many communities, so a clear distinction should be drawn between forced and arranged marriages. However, in some cases the difference between a forced marriage and an arranged marriage may be purely semantic. In some cases women and young girls in such marriages may be deprived of their basic human rights.
Obligatory marriages differ from arranged marriages because it involves force, coercion or deception, ranging from emotional pressure by family or community members to abduction and imprisonment. Emotional pressure from a victims' family includes repeatedly telling the victim that the families social standing and reputation are at stake, as well as isolating the victim or refusing to speak to her. In more severe cases, the victim can be subject to physical or sexual abuse, including rape. While in arranged marriages, both families know each other, negotiate and come to some understanding and agreement.
While obligatory and early marriages, as well as early motherhood, are becoming increasingly less common among the wealthiest sectors of society, other parts of Kenya still practice arranged marriages especially to people in power and authority like; chief of the village.
Falling in love or out of love is not part of arranged marriage. My grandmother told us that her marriage was arranged and she did not want to get married by that time. She narrated this with a lot of sadness. She said five men forced her out of her parents home, carried her shoulder high (since there was no means of transportation) more than thirty miles to her future husband home. On arrival, she was too tired to argue with anyone. Her introduction was 'this man here will be your husband tonight'. I could only imagine what went through her mind. She said she was terrified and scared to death. One of the main reasons for paying high dowry to the parents is when she girl was a virgin on their first night. The five men who carried her will take back a cloth with blood to her parents to prove that she was a virgin. This gave the parent respect and honor in their community.
Obligatory and early marriages have severe psychological and emotional problems-ranging from being with a stranger as a new husband, being with people who may or may not care. Victims tend to be isolated from their peers and friends so that they do not run away. In other parts of Kenya, they still believe that education is for boys and girls should be married and have children. This is changing with the governments' intervention to decrease those cultures and traditions.
In many arranged marriages, chemistry or falling in love is not a concern, but rather, was she a virgin and good wife? Love and chemistry will come with time as a potential romance started without it. The young people today believe in falling in love, chemistry, attraction and dating as a process of romantic experience. Looking back now, many arranged marriages were intact and solid. The divorce rate was very low compared to today's marriages.
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